FW 10: A Woman Worthy of Being Won

 

The Original 1922 Fascinating Womanhood Pamphlets

 

 

Today we will learn what millionaires who have had successful, long-term marriages of 30+ years looked for when selecting a wife.

A woman worthy of being won is also a woman worthy of being One with her husband. This video is the same as my essay below.

In FW video #9 there was a subheading called, “Why the Girl Must Be Worthy.” Let’s recap what it said.

“Unless she is a girl worth having, one that a man ought to want, one who will confer a real benefit upon the man who marries her, she might indeed attract his attention or arouse his interest, but she is little likely to create in him a desire to marry….

“All her art, all her generalship and strategy, are defeated by the character of the girl herself.”

And then I told the story of the man at the hot springs laughing in the face of my flirtatious friend.  He told her that her character was not what he wanted in a wife.  (And for that matter, his character was such that a woman wouldn’t have wanted HIM for a husband! He obviously had no qualms about cheating.)

The next subheading was “What is the Man’s Viewpoint.”  It mentioned that while everyone has worth, a man is going to choose a wife from a man’s point of view – not a woman’s point of view, and, as we will learn in later pamphlets, a man’s viewpoint is extremely different from a woman’s!  What we think attracts men isn’t what attracts them at all!  What may repel us in another woman is often what charms a man! 

That is why so many beautiful women shake their heads in wonderment at a man they had their eye on and say, “But what could he possibly see in her?”

In the book The Millionaire Mind, which is the sequel to The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley, on pages 240-255 he tells us what millionaires who have had successful, long-term marriages of 30+ years looked for when selecting a wife.

They revealed that they did not select their wife based on her beauty, though they were attracted her.  The most common qualities given over and over again for a woman to be “wife material” were:  She is Honest, Responsible, Loving, Capable, and Supportive.

Other words used to describe what men look for in a wife are:

Intelligent, Unselfish, Well-adjusted, Truly Sincere, and Reliable. 

They ask themselves:

• How does she treat people?  All people, including the help/waiters/janitors/staff?
• Is her sincerity true, or does she turn it off and on when it benefits her?
• Is she cheerful? 
• Is she virtuous? 
• Does she want traditional roles?
• Is she going to be able to handle things at home without my help while I’m building a business?
• Will she bolster me when I want to take a business, investing, or other financial risk, or will she inhibit me?
• Can she adjust her expectations in a down time?
• Is she ostentatious in her spending?
• Is she affectionate?  Tender?  Will she make a good mother?
• Is she well mannered? 
• Encouraging? 
• Quiet and calming?  
• Is she physically attractive?  Does she dress neatly?  Is she a tidy person?
• Is she frugal? 
• Is she in debt?  Much research has shown that men want a woman to pay off her own debts before he will ever consider marriage.

Few men ask the question: “Can she earn a high income?” or “Is she ambitious?”  But they will ask, “What is her debt-load?”  

Men prefer a woman who will help their home life run smoothly.   

They also look for a woman who does not equate “wealth” with “income.”

What Men Need

According to John Gray in the article, “Mars and Venus: Do Men Buy Love? Are Women Needy?” of the April 1998 issue of Currency on pages 56-67, he states that men have a biological need to provide for a woman.  A man’s “primary need is to be needed” by a woman. 

That reminds me that one of the last things my ex said to me was, “You don’t need me.”  And I didn’t, for I was the breadwinner. 

Gray’s research, on page 51 says, “Not only do they [men] want to provide economically for women, they also are likely to be turned off by women who are generating or have the potential to generate high incomes on their own.”

The reverse also holds true.  Women say they do not want a man who earns less than them, and in addition, they do not want a man less educated than themselves. 

But more women then men are getting college degrees and graduate school degrees today.  That means that statistically these women won’t be able to find a husband.

When I was at a gathering and met a woman who was sad that she couldn’t find a husband, she said she was going to get her graduate degree while she waited for “the one.”  I felt bad for her, because she probably won’t ever find him.  Everything she said she was doing to attract a man was actually the opposite of what men are truly looking for in a wife.  They aren’t looking for a highly educated woman who can “hang with the boys,” drink, bartend, and who dresses and acts like a man.

Men say that they do not want a woman who earns more than them or has more education than they do.  So, they choose younger women.

The truth that feminists don’t ever want you to realize is that the more a wife becomes dependent on her husband financially (which they say never to do), the more he begins to excel at his chosen profession. 

That doesn’t mean that he’s looking for a brainless doormat.  Far from it.  Men want intelligent and capable wives.  But they want non-combative, cheerful, fun, loving, laughing wives who look to them to provide and protect.  They want a peaceful home life more than they want a high-earning, higher-educated wife.  And let’s face it.  Women who are stressed out from work are not cheerful, fun, laughing wives.  They are too-often grumblers and complainers because there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish all they feel needs to be accomplished.  They are torn between work demands and home needs.  The job gets the best hours of each day.  When both spouses come home, neither wants to cook, clean, or care for the other.  Thus they put their wealth into the hands of those who care for their family’s health: chefs at restaurants, nannies or daycares, massage therapists, cleaning services, gym memberships, etc. 

Let me stress this:  The majority of people believe that when a man earns enough then the wife can stay home, and that’s why almost all of the millionaire households in America have at-home wives and mothers.  But the data suggests that the opposite is actually true.  When women choose to stay home and, this is important – choose to spend the family income frugally with the end goal being the betterment of their family’s financial position – these are the families that end up being more secure financially.  They may not become millionaires, but they also don’t have the debt load that the majority of families do.

When I came home this was my hypothesis and I devoted the first five years of marriage to learning all I could about finances, as well as reading about what men needed in life to succeed (and I also learned all about babies and homeschooling). 

Over the past 30 years I’ve looked at hundreds of financial statements and, from talking with people, I know that many well-off families had wives that stayed home from the beginning of the marriage, or as soon as their children were born.  These families started off financially just as all newlyweds do – broke.  They began building their family financially while mom stayed home and raised their children.  The library is also filled with books that contain these stories that back up this hypothesis.  The Millionaire Next Door, The Millionaire Mind, The Two-Income Trap (only get the original 2004 edition), America’s Cheapest Family, Finding Your Way Home by Lucynda Koesters (highly recommend), and There’s No Place Like Home (filled with stories of budgets that don’t work on paper but the mom is still at home – highly recommend) are just a few. And of course, my own story, How to Thrive on One Income (some affiliated links above).

In my neighborhood I know many of the 40 households on my street, and I know which houses on the 1,000 home block have full-time homemakers.  The same is true when I’m in my parents’ neighborhood.  I know which homes have full-time homemakers.  When I walk by in the mornings I see moms leaving little ones sad faces in the windows, and I see joyful homeschoolers romping in their front yard.  Yes, I chat with all of them!  (Just yesterday on my morning walk I saw teen twins shepherding littles on a walk. I called out to them, “Are you homeschoolers?” They answered in the affirmative and we chatted. They were there visiting their aunt and uncle, who just moved onto my street. Homeschoolers are easy to spot because they are always dressed nicely, are cheerful, know how to talk to adults with self-confidence, and are so attentive to younger siblings.)

Let me tell you the main visual difference in the vast majority of these homes.  Those homes where the mom leaves the home to go to work often have the most expensive luxury cars.  The full-time homemakers almost never do.  And that is one very key difference in the frugal mentality.  Luxury cars have high tags, high insurance, and high repair bills.  Even buying a new headlight is costly.  But when a woman works, she wants her reward of a luxury car.

Now if you can afford to buy a luxury car with cash, then go for it.  But generally, the households with luxury cars have high car payments, and high overall debt.  Homes that are showplaces, rarely have anyone at home during the day.  Whereas the households with a full-time homemaker typically buy a used $12,000 car with cash.  They’ve eliminated their credit card debt, their homes are for living in and are usually not magazine or pinterest worthy.  Yet their home is a joyful, peaceful, hive of activity. 

Research data has concluded the same thing.  Those who show the trappings of wealth generally have a high income, but the majority of them are also only one paycheck away from disaster.  All of their income gets spent and they do not really have much in the way of assets.  Neither their home, nor their cars, are paid off.  Their clothes and furnishings wouldn’t bring in much.  In other words, they are just like the majority of people!  But when they crash, they fall much harder, because they have more debt.

Kisses

An old report said that a man who kisses his wife before he goes off to work each morning typically earns more than a man who doesn’t. 

In the same way as those who believe that you must be rich to have an at home wife, many people believe that a man who kisses his wife at the door before he goes off to work earns more simply because he is a “Mr. Steady,” and that his personality is one whom is diligent, steady, and has a good work ethic.

However, from the books I’ve read and the experiments women have tried and reported back on, it appears that it is when the wife decides to walk her husband to the door each morning and send him off with a kiss, that makes a difference in his earning potential. 

Women who fill their husbands with love, gratitude, and attention give them a reason to work hard and to come straight home each night.  It takes awhile, but when women commit to putting their husband’s needs first, and we will be discussing in future pamphlets what those needs are, he is happier, and more secure in himself, because he has a woman who follows him and believes in him.  He begins to excel, and a wonderful by-product of that is increased earnings.  And it all begins with a good morning kiss and send off. We will continue this discussion of what a worthy woman looks like in a man’s eyes in the next video.

May God bless you!

Janine