FW 6.1 Squashing Your Inner Superior Wife + How to Play "the Game" that Fascinates Men

Hello, Beautiful Homemakers!

 

 

I begin today's video with a partial comment from Aurora, with her permission.  It can be found in its entirety under the video FW3.4 "Why Being Too Nice Breeds Contempt."  She talks about how she has been showing her DH appreciation, and how she is trying to stop taking control, and the profound effect it has had on her marriage.  She changed just a few things, and BAM! he's acting like a completely different man.  

Appreciating your husband, relinquishing control, and letting him lead makes a difference!  Let's squash our inner "Superior Wife."  

We are beginning Pamphlet 6! Chapter 12 is entitled "Making Men Notice You."

The most important sentence is "...what really attracted the man in each case was the opportunity to act the part of the 'superior' male in soothing that timidity, in protecting that tenderness, in aiding that helplessness, and in justifying that dependence."   This does not turn us into timid, little wallflowers! 

We will discuss later in the video how this is A GAME.  And remember - 'superior' doesn't mean "better than."  It means leading; taking on the burden of leading the family.  When you try to lead the family (including him and what he does and how he acts), you will become exhausted playing both your role and his.

We've been taught to act in ways that are unattractive to men, including challenging him, or taunting him, or trying to better him. Most men find this highly unattractive; but romantic stories and movies portray women acting this way because the stories are written by women!

When you are truly interested in a man, you naturally drop your eyes. It is a natural, innate sign that you would be willing to submit to him in a loving relationship (marriage).  Whilst the dropping of the eyes and looking back at him has been done for thousands of years, nowadays, in today's culture, you will probably need to be the one to say "hello" first to a man you are interested in, to let him know it is okay to approach.

If you have absolutely no idea how to flirt, I suggest the secular book "Seven Days to Sex Appeal: How to Be Sexier Without Surgery, Weight Loss, or Cleavage" by Eva Margolies and Stan Jones.  This book is mainly about body language; some women really need to learn this and practice with a mirror and a friend. But if you are already a confident woman, then you will not need this book.  It is not a great book, but it is good and useful.  I loved that they use illustrations instead of photos of gorgeous women, but the downside of that is that some of the illustrations do a poor job of explaining what the authors mean.  Also, the book is fairly expensive.  However, some women DO need a book like this to point out what they are doing that is making men think they aren't interested or available.

The next subsection of the Pamphlet is "How to Attract the Man's Attention."  

This discusses the 3rd characteristic that we talked about in the previous video FW 5.15 "Two More Peculiarities of Human Nature in Men," that of a man's desire to act the part of man and hero.

[It's interesting to note that as I put in the link for the book mentioned above, I read the reviews of the book, and one woman absolutely hated it, because the book explains this trait about men - how they want to play the hero to a frail and helpless woman! Again, this is a GAME that we will talk about in my video - the woman giving the review of this book says, "Sexy and confident is one thing, but demure, and delicate is totally another. I was completely offended by the continued implications that in order to get a man you needed to make yourself as small as possible, and look delicate and demure because all men want to be the big protector of the helpless damsel in distress. I am disgusted that something that could have been very helpful to many women turned out to be so derogatory to them."  

But you see, my beautiful homemakers, men haven't changed.  The pamphlets are spot on.  What held true 100 years ago holds true today, whether this woman likes it or not, or gets it or not!  Remember that way back in Pamphlet 1 we discussed how you only need to give the appearance of demureness to a man - the man - whose heart you want to capture.  You can appear strong to all other men; but when you find "the one" our natural instincts cause us to be demure in his presence - and sometimes in his presence only.  In the Pamphlet 1 videos I discuss women I've known, lawyers, etc., who come off strong at work, but at home their husband is in control, and how that amazes everyone who can't imagine these women ever submitting to anyone.]

The most important part in this subsection is, "If you wish to attract a man's attention, the thing to do is to give him an opportunity to play the part of the superior and mighty male, to play a little game in which you are the frail and tender woman and he is the mighty and able hero who comes to her rescue.  This little game, even when both the man and the woman knows it is only in play and not in earnest, is a source of constant delight to men.  There are thousands of ways in which to play this game, some of them effective with one type of man, some with others."

I'm thinking that many women today don't understand this GAME and feel silly playing it.  I tell of a woman I knew who loved to play dress up.  I'll bet she played games with her husband a lot, but the only one she told of was the fact that every Halloween she would buy an outfit, get dressed in the bedroom and crawl out her bedroom window, then run up to the door and say, "Trick or Treat!"  Sometimes her costumes were so elaborate he didn't recognize her!

But if you start playing THE GAME with your husband, I think you will find that it will fascinate him - EVEN if he doesn't play along very well, especially at the beginning.

For example, if he is barking that you turn on the heater too much and it's going to cost him a fortune, the next time you are cold and want to turn on the heater you put on something skimpy and go up to him and pout with your lower lip out, "I'm cold!  I'm just a little, lost girl searching for some heat and my big, brute of a husband won't let me turn on the heater."  

If he tells you to go put on some clothes, you have a lot of work to do in your marriage.  But, if he plays along and tells you he'll keep you warm, not only will you have his attention, but he will either turn on the house heater or buy you a bedroom heater (maybe in a faux fireplace?) to keep you warm so that you can continue wearing those "for his eyes only" clothes.

Playing "the Game" is very easy to do when you are already married.  It is much harder to do when single.  The pamphlets go on to say, "You throw yourself, timidly but confidently, upon the protection and care of every man you meet" and expounds upon that.  HOWEVER, this pamphlet is assuming the best manners of men and women - but you need to be more on your guard today and not act this way with all men; there are too many crazies out there.

The next subsection is called A Game That Fascinates Men.  

"As explained in previous chapters, this game consists in constantly bringing out and emphasizing the contrast between your tenderness and the man's strength, in intimating by your every action how much you, as a woman, are dependent upon the bravery, power, and generosity of man."

In the video I give you more examples of how to play the game; of what to say and of what not to say.

"If you will watch the attractive women you know, you will find they are constantly bringing out the contrast between men and themselves, constantly winning men's attention - even when they do not seek to increase the attention into interest."  

This especially occurs when you are already married and are only seeking to be likeable, say to a man who is delivering a large appliance to your home, or to a fellow traveler, or to a man who is serving you in some way.  

Playing this game with your husband, even if it feels silly to you now, will bring more playfulness and closeness to your marriage.

I end with another real-life example of how I quashed my inner "superior wife" thoughts before the damaging words left my mouth.

Just remember that relinquishing control, and stopping the urge to micromanage your husband, will result in you becoming much more attractive to him.

You can be his wife, or his mother, but not both.  Which will you choose to be?  The lover, or mother?  

May God bless you as you learn to be the wife your husband needs,

Janine

 

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