FW 6.4 Becky Sharp: A Fascinating Womanhood IMPOSTER

 Hello, Beautiful Homemakers!

 

I begin this video with what I forgot to say in the last video, but remembered to put in my last blog post.  Here it is again, since that was several weeks ago!

• At the Dance:  Why do men prefer women in dainty, fragile, soft, and delicate gowns versus short, black, body-hugging dresses?  Because the fabric conveys the qualities of the wearer herself. (Remember how we have discussed how your clothes 'say it for you'?)  Men want dainty, fragile, soft, delicate women for wives.  If you must wear black, don't imitate a street walker. Wear soft velvet, or dainty tulle or chiffon, or have lots of delicate lace covering your back and arms.  Don't show too much cleavage!  Don't let your skirt be too short. 

If your dress dips down showing some cleavage, then your skirt needs to be longer.  If your skirt is above your knees, then your decolletage needs to be covered.  

  

[Also, a good reminder is to try on your dress with the undergarments that you plan to wear under it.  That is a mistake I continually make.  I try on a dress with my "every day" bra instead of my less comfortable but more traditional "dress" bra that gives more of a boost thus helping me look slimmer.  Then I am surprised by pictures such as this one that shows more cleavage than when I tried on the dress with the looser-fitting bra.  Thankfully, the dress went below my knees or I might have ended up looking like the two girls below!]

 

Do you notice how these girls that are wearing beautiful, delicate fabrics, do not look elegant?  It's because their skirts are too short.   They look like they are a wearing preschoolers' dress-up gowns!  We want to be child-like, but not childish!  If their gowns were the proper length, like Grace Kelly below, they would look elegant.

The girl in pink looks a bit washed out, but it's a beautifully feminine dress.  I am not a fan of sleeveless or off the shoulder dresses, because in most situations they are not appropriate. If those "sleeves" covered her shoulders, she could wear the dress to more places.  Grace Kelly's modest bodice is much more attractive.

 

Don't wear platform heels!  Would a princess wear platform heels?  Never!  If two women walk into a room wearing the same outfit and one has on platform heels, that one will look "loose" and not "wife" material, and she will be treated accordingly by all the men.  The classic heels are slimming and make your feet look beautiful. Platform heels make your feet look visually bigger and "clunky." 

      

Instead, look the part of "a tenderly feminine adorable...If you use judgment and taste, as well as your newly acquired understanding of men's main characteristics, in preparing for the occasion, you have a great opportunity to attract attention by your appearance alone, without the aid of definite action on your part."

 

We are continuing chapter 12 "Making Men Notice You" in the original 1922 Fascinating Womanhood pamphlet number 6.

Beware of the Defensive 

"...the third characteristic of man, the desire to act or feel the part of man and hero, is the quality to which you must appeal in attracting attention.  Sometimes, however, attention may be attracted by appealing to the first characteristic, the craving for sympathetic understanding. Often the girl who has not succeeded in attracting attention by appealing to the former characteristic, finds it easier to attract notice by an appeal to the latter.  Since in these cases, however, the man's reserve must be overbourne, caution must be exercised to keep the man from placing himself on the defensive."

Two Important Rules

The first rule you heard your mother say when you began dating:  "...get the man to talk about himself."  What she may have forgotten to mention is that he is craving appreciation and admiration, which is the second rule: "...appreciate the man who is thus expressing himself."  

Better questions than "what do you do for a living?" are "How do you enjoy spending your leisure time?"  "What are you passionate about?" or "What is your favorite thing to do?"

You must look for something which you can appreciate.  Remember that he will RESENT obvious flattery.  Instead, you are to gently intimate that you believe that what he is doing, or that something within himself, is noteworthy, if he would but confess it.  

"A man will never be disappointed if you indicate subtly that you have great expectations so far as he is concerned."

Becky Sharp, the Classic Example

Becky Sharp, one of the shrewdest and cleverest women in fiction (from William Makepeace Thackeray's 1847-48 classic serial story VANITY FAIR) employs many principles discussed throughout these pamphlets, but she is not a 'fascinating woman' because she is insincere, calculating, manipulative, immoral, and cynical.  She is a selfish and ruthless woman intent on climbing the social ladder while stepping on other people to do so, people like Joseph's sister, sweet Amelia Sedley.  

Becky uses her feminine charms for the sole purpose of seducing upper-class men because she is obsessed with money.  She cheats, lies, and steals.  Despite her flippancy and aggressiveness, however, she never loses her femininity. She 'impersonates' what she knows an English Lady should look and act like, and she does so without flaws in her performance.  Becky "dressed in white, with bare shoulders as white as snow - the picture of youth, unprotected innocence and humble virgin simplicity."  She revels in the power her flamboyant and fashionable appearance bring,s and deliberately stages herself to be in the center of everything.

(By the way, if you choose to watch the 2004 version of the story, know that Rotten Tomatoes criticized this version writing, "A more likable Becky Sharp makes for a less interesting movie.")

The pamphlets quote two examples from Vanity Fair.

The Tricks Becky Used

Becky made a comment about the man she had her eye on, supposedly to his sister, but loudly enough that he could overhear it.  She definitely attracted his attention, but it immediately sent up his wall of reserve, by wondering if she was poking fun at him, which he greatly resented.

It appears that Becky's idea was that "when you talk about him to another, apparently unconscious of the fact that he can hear you, that interest is doubled, because he thinks such talk is more sincere and unaffected that when addressed directly to himself. Though we do not believe the comment about Joseph's handsomeness was well chosen, and though we do not like the transparency of Becky's tactics in this case, they were effective.  Probably because Joseph was a comparatively stupid man and extremely vain of his personal appearance.  Becky no doubt shrewdly estimated these aspects of his character before using such obvious methods."

 "As men are usually more proud of their daring, courage, and strength of character, than of their personal appearance, the comment about handsomeness would be distasteful to them. A comment about his being brave or daring...or about your certainty that he is capable of doing big things in the world, would be much more acceptable."  

Isn't that interesting?  How often do you compliment men on their appearance?  I'll bet you do it more often than complimenting him on his character!  I know I do. That is because WE value compliments about our appearance.  Instead, we must try to remember to compliment men on HOW they handle situations, especially when they are standing for what is right and true.

Instead of talking loud enough for the man to hear (a blatant and overused tactic), watch for him in your peripheral vision and as you see him coming up behind you, you can proffer a compliment about him to your friend, and then notice him.  "If he indicated that he has overheard, it is a great opportunity to become confused, panic-stricken, and blushingly modest and timorous." (Isn't that how you would naturally act if you were caught unawares? Most younger women would and men find it delightful.)

"If he does not indicate he overheard, then you can act confused at first, and then affect to be greatly relieved at the discovery that he has not heard your comment.  Either way, you have won the man's attention.  You have made an appeal to his craving for appreciation, for sympathetic understanding, and you have made an appeal to his desire to act the superior man in subduing your maidenly confusion and in reassuring your timorousness." 

How did Becky bring out the contrast between her maidenly tenderness and his strength?  She started back "timid as a fawn." She made a "respectful virgin-like curtsy to the gentleman" and her "modest" eyes gazed "perseveringly on the carpet." She acted the personification of "dainty, modest, and fragile maidenhood."  But Becky Sharp did not have a 'worthy character' and my guess is that she brought her husband (or husbands?) only pain and suffering instead of the happiness they were anticipating.  I guess I will have to watch the movie!

Remember that in 1922, "artifice" meant skillful, not fake.

May God bless you as you step more into your fascinating, feminine ways, but with a worthy character!

Love,

Janine 

I highly suggest this blog post from Mary Rizza "Sharp at Heart: Why We Should Resist the Appeal of Vanity Fair's Becky Sharp" if you want to know more about the true Becky [note that it does contain some spoilers if you are going to read the book or watch a movie about it].

Trailer from the 1935 film with Marian Hopkins.  I'm sure the book is much better than the movie, but I'd rather read Grace Livingston Hill novels which are much more edifying.

Miriam Hopkins as Becky Sharp, 1935